As a human, one of the hardest parts of “growing up” becoming an emotional adult has been learning how to surrender to what is.

I am sure it’s the reason the universe sent me children who were able to support me learn how to accept that I could not control all the moving pieces.

Accepting our children as they are, is where the gift of learning happens. Not an easy gift to receive at times. If you have a child that is outside of standard, or certainly outside our expectations can bring a LOT of sensitivity to judgement. They also tend to attract judgement or at least unsolicited feedback from many.

I know my mother, bless her, though not what I thought at the time said to me that I got my “just desserts” with my oldest child. She was still in her own whirlwind of resentment and frustration of having to parent a child like me. The one who didn’t meet her expectations.

I also now appreciate that her own “shark music” influenced the way she responded, though I didn’t have that knowledge then. Another element that undermined my own peace.

In some aspects I have to say I have been a slow learner because control and I had a really tight relationship.


When I first started studying to become a life coach, I dove in deep to all the learning that was available. At the time, my shadow self, who is all about results, embraced all possible opportunities to be growing and evolving on purpose, empowering myself to become the best I could possibly be.

One opportunity was in receiving a coaching session called Deep State Repatterning (DSR).

In the session an old belief that I’d apparently created when I was around five (which the majority of our disempowering beliefs are formed in the first seven years of life), that for me to be OK, I had to make sure everyone else was doing the right thing.

Totally without logic, because intrinsic logic is an 8-year-old neurological upgrade. Which is why how we speak and interact with our children is so important.

The beliefs they create, that we do not support them process are processed as is, in their literal interpretation. These are the beliefs that drive our identity through becoming habit and disappearing into the vault of the sub/unconscious mind.

BELIEFs are a Construct.


The thing about beliefs, they are a construct, not law, not even rules, they are beliefs. They are the meaning we create in our own mind. Beliefs are powerful influences. Identity beliefs are the strongest of all. The awesome thing is, that once we discover a belief that is causing us pain, we can change it. It’s what happens through the coaching process. Challenging the thoughts you probably didn’t even realise you had on a regular basis.

If we want our kids to become confident resilient adults, it is US who must lead the way. What that means is recognising these things within ourselves, so that we are working on them.

If you’re caught in the whirlwind of parenting

come join us in Facebook in Conscious Wholehearted Parents

Where we are exploring all things emotional wellbeing, human development,

human behaviour and learning how to become the best version of ourselves.

You are enough, they are worthy and we all belong

Together we ARE Stronger.

Author – Leanne G Wakeling – Relationship and Communication Coach, Parenting Mentor,

Behaviour and Thinking Styles Profiler.