Inspired by Brene Brown’s “I thought it was just me”
This was a penny drop for me when it comes to the desire for self-esteem. Whether it be for yourself or for your child/ren.
When we know we aren’t alone, life becomes so much easier.
When we are no longer controlled by what we think other people think, we are not alone. (or could that really be just me).
Over the last six years I’ve been on this eye opening, scary and insightful journey of discovery.
It started out with a very simple insight, a mike drop moment in my life.
Now this might not be exactly your issue, but come with me anyway. Perhaps it relates to another aspect in your life.
The mike drop moment was “what other people think is NONE of my business”.
I have long recognised that I might have a tendency towards controlling. I’ve certainly been through phases of proper OCD, and never like being judged. And like many of us, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
As part of my path to a healthier more collaborative relationship with my inner monologue, I began to learn that I have the ability to change my thinking. What’s more, it’s my responsibility to monitor and manage my thinking.
Anyone who does this naturally would have difficulty with comprehending that any of us wouldn’t know how to do this. Like isn’t it completely natural.
Well guess what. It’s only natural to you, if they are the skills that were enabled in you as you developed in those early years of life.
As parents, mothers specifically, the vast majority of us are wishing to raise our children to have self-esteem, emotional intelligence and be resilient. Part of the challenge is that many of us didn’t have great foundations programmed into us as we grew up. Our parents, just like us, had the best of intentions, without necessarily the understanding of how to enable great self-esteem.
What finally clicked for me is that Self-Esteem is a thinking outcome. It’s how we identify and relate to ourselves. Whereas Shame is a feeling that is embedded into us. It begins to infiltrate our system way before any thinking is involved in the process.
Is in understanding that our child is still developing hardware and some software is still to arrive, depending on their age and development stage. And considering any atypical issues as well.
Appreciating that the full capability of the human brain to manage emotions, think clearly and sustainably make great decisions is now assessed as being in the 24-28 age range. No that’s not a typo.
Is accepting that in the beginning, we are not meant to be only bigger and stronger, we are also meant to be wiser and kinder.
Be willing to apologise when things go badly. Modelling self-compassion, so that our child learns that it is not shameful to make mistakes.
Not always easy if not our own programming and essential to be on the learning journey together with our child, so that we enable those healthy relationships we want them to be able to have.
If you are in the trenches raising kids and
not always sure whether there are better ways,