Your Child's behaviour is NOT a reflection of your Worth.

Your Child’s Behaviour Is Not a Reflection of Your Worth

You know those days when your child is melting down — yelling, throwing, or flat-out refusing to listen — and that familiar voice whispers, “You’re failing again”?

That voice is shame.And it’s lying to you.

Your child’s behaviour is not a reflection of your worth.
It’s a reflection of their nervous system, their development, and their need for safety — not your inadequacy.

The Hidden Weight of “Good Parenting”

So many of us carry invisible rules about what a “good mother” looks like. Calm. Patient. Always knowing the right thing to say.

But real parenting — especially with emotionally intense or neurodivergent kids — rarely fits those boxes.
Sometimes, love looks like walking away for a breath instead of staying to fix it.
Sometimes, it looks like saying sorry after losing it.
Sometimes, it’s just holding steady while your child falls apart.

These are not signs of failure.
They are signs of relationship — the real, messy kind that grows connection through repair, not perfection.

The Shame Loop We Inherit

If you grew up being told that your behaviour defined your value — that being “good” earned love, and mistakes brought distance — it’s no wonder that your child’s chaos feels personal.

That wiring runs deep.
It whispers: “If they’re out of control, I must not be doing enough.”

But attachment theory reminds us: children’s behaviour is communication.
It’s not about us — it’s about what’s happening for them.

When we interpret their behaviour through the lens of shame, we disconnect from both them and ourselves.

When we meet it through curiosity and compassion, we open a door to healing — for both generations.

Healing the Cycle

Repair begins when we notice the story we’re telling ourselves in those moments of rupture.

Instead of:

“I’m a bad mum; they never listen.”

Try:

“We’re both having a hard time. We’re learning how to be with big feelings together.”

Each time you shift from blame to understanding, you rewire your own attachment pattern — and show your child what self-compassion looks like in action.

That’s how we build secure foundations.
Not through perfection, but through awareness and repair.

A Gentle Reminder

Parenting isn’t a performance.
It’s a relationship — one where both of you are still learning.

When your child’s behaviour challenges you, pause and remember:
✨ Their outburst is not your failure.

✨ Their struggle is not your shame.

✨ You are enough.

And every moment of reconnection teaches them that they are too.

Next Steps for You

If this message speaks to you, you’re not alone.

I’ll be diving deeper into these patterns — and how to heal them — in my upcoming Transforming Attachment Webinar.
You’ll learn how your own attachment story shapes your reactions, and how to rewire those old patterns into security and connection.

💗 Join the Waitlist for the Transforming Attachment Webinar

Together we ARE Stronger.
— Leanne G. Wakeling
Parenting Mentor | Emotional Fitness Consultant