Why Parents Struggle with Emotional Regulaton too

And what that means for your child’s attachment

One of the greatest myths in parenting is that adults should always be calm, patient, and emotionally regulated.

But the reality?

We lose it.
We yell.
We shut down.
We feel shame afterward.
And we worry we’re damaging our kids.

Not because we’re bad parents.
But because we never learned regulation either.

And when we became parents, no one handed us a nervous system upgrade.

Children aren’t born with emotional regulation.
They borrow ours while theirs develops.

But what happens when ours is running on empty?

That’s where many parents land especially when raising:

• highly sensitive kids

• neurodivergent children

• strong-willed or emotionally intense little humans
  

Kids whose emotions arrive fast and loud.

Adults are supposed to be the ‘wiser and kinder’ in the room.
But we are also humans with our own stress loads, triggers, past hurts and unmet needs.

When our childhood shows up in our parenting

Our children bump into the places within us that were never seen, soothed, or supported.

Our shark music rises.
We react to the old story, not the present moment.

We may interpret behaviour as:

• disrespect

• rejection

• a threat to control

• a sign we are failing

When, in truth, it is often developmentally normal or nervous-system driven.

This doesn’t make us wrong.
It means we are still healing too.

The attachment link

When we focus only on the child’s behaviour, we can accidentally miss their need for safety.

And when we judge our reactions harshly, we can also miss our own need for safety.

Healthy attachment isn’t built on perfection.
It is built on:

• awareness

• repair

• growing our regulation capacity

Every moment of “I’m sorry, let’s try again” deepens trust.

Our children don’t need calm robots.

They need real humans who can come back into connection.

Where change truly begins

Healing attachment is not just about improving our children’s emotional worlds.

It is about improving our own.

When we:

• understand our triggers

• build emotional awareness

• learn to regulate in the storm

• practice repair

…we transform the relationship for both of us.

You are not meant to figure this out alone.

Especially when you are breaking generational cycles in real time.

You’re invited

If this resonates, you are exactly who I created my Transforming Attachment Webinar for.

We will explore:

• why your nervous system responds the way it does

• how your child reads your cues

• practical tools for repair and co-regulation

• how to shift from chaos to connection

Together we ARE Stronger.

With care,

Leanne

The Motherhood Maven

Parenting Mentor | Emotional Fitness Consultant