Before You Lose It: A Parenting Pause That Changes Everything

You walk into the lounge, and it looks like a tornado just passed through. Lego mines underfoot, a mountain of blankets, maybe even a stray sandwich on the floor.

Your first instinct?
Yell. Slam things around. Demand order.

But here’s the thing — how you handle this moment matters more than the mess itself.

Why the Pause Matters

When we “lose it,” our kids don’t learn anything about responsibility or tidying up. What they learn is that they’ve upset us. Their little bodies slip into survival mode — fight, flight, or freeze — and the chance for teaching and connection goes out the window.

But when we pause? Something different happens.
That pause gives our own brain time to catch up. It keeps us in “thinking mode” instead of “reactive mode.” From there, we can choose a response that actually creates the outcome we want.

Collaboration Beats Control

The truth is — even though the mess is dreadful, it doesn’t have to become a battle. If we keep our cool and invite collaboration, clean-up can (sometimes!) even be fun. The more often we make it a positive experience, the more likely it will become easier the next time.

And this isn’t just about tidying. It’s about creating emotional safety. When kids know that mistakes or chaos don’t automatically mean anger, they feel safer in our presence. Safe kids learn better, adapt better, and eventually take more responsibility.

A Note for ND-Aware Parents

For many families — especially those raising neurodivergent kids — “clean-up time” can be one of the biggest triggers. What looks like defiance or laziness is often overwhelm. By holding steady and modelling calm, we show our kids that big feelings can be navigated without explosions. That sense of safety is the foundation of resilience.

Be Kind to Yourself, Too

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs there is. Every child is different, and no one-size-fits-all solution exists. Even with experience, a new child will teach us new lessons.

You don’t need to get it all “right.” What your child needs most is to know that you’re okay, that you care, and that you’re willing to learn together. Parenting is a long game. There will be messes and mistakes, but there will also always be opportunities to repair.

Remember: You are enough.

Next Step

If you want more practical strategies to stay calm, build connection, and raise emotionally secure kids, join me for my upcoming Transforming Attachment Webinar in October. Together, we’ll explore how to build the foundations your children need to thrive.

Interested? Click here to add your name to the waitlist.

Because together, we are stronger.