Have you ever thought about why it is important, as a mother, to take care of yourself?
So many of us experience guilt for going to work, or guilt for staying at home. Whichever choice we made, we must also BE comfortable and confident in that role.
Judgement and Comparison
One of the most damaging things I hear are those mothers who judge the mother who made the opposite choice. Counterproductive and damaging to both the giver and the receiver of the judgement.
We don’t know what drove the choice and not everyone is meant to be a stay at home mum, including me.
Even when I was a SAHM, I was rarely at home.
I was the SAHM that working parents need in our communities.
That mum who was on the P&C, who ran programs at the community house, that did reading at school, who did roles at the school sports and swimming carnivals, that was present at morning assembly to cheer on the children in whatever pageant or awards ceremony that was going on.
Most working mums would want to be there and often can’t, our SAHMs are who allow our children to feel special and appreciated in those moments.
Regardless of which choice we made and whatever reason we made that choice, making the most of that situation is the best thing we can do for our children.
Research shared by Simon Sinek in his book “Leaders Eat Last”, indicates that it isn’t how many hours a parent works that effects the child, it is how that parent is when they are at home.
If we come home grumpy and angry, our children receive the message that we don’t like them. Small children have no logic, their little developing brains have no ability to discern the difference between being angry at them, or just being grumpy because we are tired.
It is so important for us to be aware of the potential effect we are having on our children.
Which is why the research is indicating, a parent who may work long hours, if they love their work and come home satisfied, then the quality of life at home is able to ride the waves of the working parent.
After watching this clip from Jade Pickett-Smith, (https://www.facebook.com/goalcast/videos/1408078635935989/) it is also a reminder that, whatever choice we made, it is not our children’s responsibility to give us any sort of gratitude or appreciation.
If we can’t appreciate our choice as an adult, it is not their fault.
We are all doing the best we can with what we have and understand at the time.
This is why it is important to care for ourselves. Find our esteem internally.
Treat ourselves as a priority, in resourceful ways, rather than playing the role of martyr.
Only then do we become the best person we can be, who grows our children into the best people they can be.
As parents, it is not our child’s job to fit our needs, it is ours to recognise and meet their needs, so that ours can be met.
When we can get this fundamental order optimised, our lives can become so much more fulfilled and peaceful as our child builds his trust in our desire for his best interests.
If you are in the trenches of parenting,
come join me in
the Conscious and Intentional Parenting Tribe on Facebook,
where you can access tools, strategies and support, to assist you in raising children to become emotionally intelligent to meet the needs of Adulting in the 21st century.
Author – Leanne G Wakeling – Relationship and Communication Coach, Parenting Mentor, Behaviour and Thinking Styles Profiler.